Avoid The Karpman Drama Triangle at all costs.
More and more, matchmakers are finding that reacting to and teaching singles about the problem of dysfunctional communication between couples, families, and friends, is as a way to motivate singles to take responsibility for their relationships and how they communicate.
Becoming aware of the Karpman Drama Triangle and the “concerning” communication we have with others at times, is an effective pathway to sustainable behavior change. Many relationship coaches and matchmakers ask, “Why can’t singles just take the good information we give them and take charge of their relationships?” Subsequently many singles feel alone and therefore act like victims of their relationships. Relationships with co-workers, family, friends, and especially problems that trigger “matchmakers” themselves to “rescue” their clients and ironically become the object of persecution by the client when he/she is unable to recognize their own dysfunctional behaviour. In fact I myself after becoming aware of just how persuasive the Karman Drama Triangle is in relationships studied and re-trained myself not to engage in the roleplaying that dominates so many people’s lives. (and not positively).
This is the drama that many relationship professionals find themselves enmeshed within. Dating Coaches and matchmakers alike are stuck in conversations that often result in despair, blame and disempowerment.
Over forty years ago, psychologist Dr. Stephen Karpman explained why many people react to life’s problems with so much drama and disempowerment. He observed that people, when under pressure, behave either like a Victim, Rescuer or Persecutor (or all three). Dr. Karpman named this set of relationship roles and dynamics the Drama Triangle. It is exactly these roles that many singles exhibit when relating to their partners over and over. At the same time matchmakers are desperate need to create healthier roles for their singles that transcend the drama and increase the likelihood of client empowerment. By teaching singles how to be assertive, caring, and even vulnerable and to communicate those feelings directly to those that they are engaging with, singles become more equipped to manage their own stress and anxiety during lifes more trying times.
Now that you know of the “DRAMA ROLES” just do not engage in them anymore.
Over the last few decades, counselors and therapists have widely come to understand that these roles create a toxic brew of ineffective relationships, which is why many singles come to Long Island Matchmaking to begin with. When your life becomes a brew of anxiety and toxic outcomes, new patterns and roles become an absolute necessity as does the training that enables singles to overcome dysfunctional relating. Just know it is NOT YOUR FAULT. If you have a biological condition, a hormone imbalance, or you grew up in a family that played these roles over and over, then you learned this behaviour in your childhood. It has more than likely been toxic to many of your relationships. You may even have “absorbed” these patterns of behaviour through television and media as it is used in scripted and reality show content extensively.
Nothing good comes from being a victim, looking for someone or something to rescue you, or acting like a persecutor by blaming others.” But what is the alternative? How does your dating coach or matchmaker escape the Drama Triangle when you yourself are engaging in it a good part of the time? Well you simply learn over time how to play new roles and recognize when you are engaging in the familiar roles that are toxic to your relationships. Matchmakers and dating coaches need to educate their clients, suggest therapy, and make sure they never engage in those roles themselves, at all costs. And… when they do, learn how to immediately take themselves out of the toxic triangle.
Three new roles: Coach, Challenger, and
While this roller coaster is all too typical, it was not the way anyone wants to live their lives and of course matchmakers become the coaches in these circumstances. The matchmakers at Long Island Matchmaking are trained by professional therapists how NOT to engage as a victim, persecutor, or rescuer and help educate their singles how not to engage, and to recognize how they are engaging in toxic behavior as soon as it takes place. Immediately identifying the toxicity to their clients carefully not replacing the roll of the Persecutor in the toxicity. It is a balancing act at best and you simply can not engage. When the client / dating coach relationship is a healthy one, the dating coach calls out their singles every time.
As with any coach, training takes time, singles learn at different speeds, some have already been to therapy, and others will supliment their services with a dating coach with an actual therapist. Sometimes even a few visits with a professional helps singles learn how to “not engage” or “Enable” themselves. When they do, all of their relationships become more respectful, fair, stress free, and functional. Probably the most important aspect of everything we do at times, start with testing the triangle and eliminating it completely, or at least with the best results possible as we all play dysfunctional and toxic drama filled roles on occastions of crhonic and extreme stress. It is just how the human brain reacts.
TIMES HAVE CHANGED BUT LONG ISLAND SINGLES NEEDS HAVEN’T
Times have changed, but Long Island Singles needs haven’t. They need to be loved and loving—to be safe, useful and free to grow into all they can be. The role of thoughtful family members and friends hasn’t changed either: Siblings and friends need to include their Long Island Singles and connect them to dating services and companies like Long Island Matchmaking that help them find hope and make introductions that can turn into committed long term relationships. In this increasingly complicated world, much of the answer is simple: Contact LongIslandMatchmaking.com and begin your new journey working together and finding that next Chapter of Love.
WHAT LONG ISLAND MATCHMAKING DOES FOR YOU
Some of our methods are unique and confidential. However, these are deployed company-wide. They even extended to our real world network:
- After meeting a single we are impressed with, we think who we might know for them. Long Island Matchmaking gets their contact information down for the future use if we can’t think of an appropriate match right now. We then let them know about Long Island Matchmaking services.
- Long Island Matchmaking generates lists of everyone we know that is single. We add to it as our network of recruiters, scouts, and affiliate matchmakers meet new people. Through our organic network of family/friend/community contacts, we know many more singles than most anyone.
- We keep a list of all the single men we know and a separate list of all the single women. We only add Long Island Singles whose character and presentation are impressive. Every week, we take individuals from our lists and cross-check them against the lists of the opposite gender.
- We generate more ideas for matches than you realize possible. With thousands of long term social media contacts and our real life network, we have many opportunities for Long Island Matchmaking singles.
- Long Island Matchmaking has its senior Matchmakers define our Long Island Singles life goals, and criteria for choosing a spouse. We have our single friends describe the four unique qualities that define them. Also, the four top qualities they are looking for in a partner.
- Besides helping our friends clarify their future, we coach our clients at every step of the way. We support their efforts for self improvement and reflection. We help them to grow with each new potential committed partner they date. Both within our network and outside of it.
THE ART OF MATCHMAKING
There is a lot more to matchmaking than people think. Understanding the how lonely people are, was our first step in helping this “Plague” of loneliness. Now it is up to you to contact us and register for a one hour free consultation and interview. We can help, you do not have to be lonely any more. Let our matchmakers help you live your dream and find your soulmate or next chapter of love.
Long Island Matchmaking’s guarantee is simple and demonstrates our confidence in our integrity, effectiveness, and commitment to our singles. Long Island Matchmaking unconditionally guarantees that you are 100% satisfied with our efforts at any time during our service period or we will refund the balance of your fee (prorated based on services already utilized) no questions asked.